Friday, March 31, 2006

Why do people keep forwarding emails? Even a tazkirah is too boring to be read when there are lists of email address being included in the email... if you are kind enough, cut the email and paste it as if it's a new email, I feel lazy enough to scroll down the email, I would rather click delete than read it... it's a hikmah too in forwarding the tazkirah, don't ya think? If you disagree, I don't care, but I'm happy to see no one forwarding tazkirah to me... and I love when my sister typed a tazkirah in her email by her own fingers, not just using the mouse to forward to her brother... I feel the connectedness... that's how a tazkirah could be delivered effectively...

People should realize you consume your time simply and you want others to consume their time to scroll down the email just to read a very short tazkirah, ah come on... life is too much to be wasted for scrolling, can't you just cut and paste? and especially when the format has already been distorted, aigo aigo I hate to read that kind of email. Be more professional...

I don't know what to say... even my family members had stopped forwarding tazkirah, they'll write one by themselves or when they think it is very interesting to be shared, they'll forward it to me... they should realize my level and needs at this moment... I just could not stand when people are more into forwarding than into making up something by their own... to spread someone's words, you should know the best way is to quote the name, not just this people say this and that... the prophet cursed those people, who do things based on someone say this and that... but to those who do things according to his words/sunnah and the Quran, that's what he recommended best. So, if your email say, "recite this 10 times you'll get a great reward," who do you think you are? I mean who said so? Tell me the basis and the ground of your saying...

I don't know what will happen to people like that, just wasting their time to waste others' time... they should know a scholarly way of forwarding words and reminders... that way, we could all improve ourselves together in a proper and arranged way... if you are happy, I'll be happy... if I read the email with curses and bad intention, I don't think the good will of you forwarding is in me... if you typed it by yourself, I would feel more connected, and realize how caring is my friend to his close circle... or at least to his reachable fellows...

Ah, enough with all this... I'm critisizing too much... if you want to spread good will and good intention, just put it in your blog which you'll definitely put it and decorate it in a very presentable way... that's how you should realize how sad is to see the format has been distorted and you want people to read'em... stop that! yamete kudasai!

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Do you have your own principle in surfing the net? You don't? P-word for you!
Be patient... and be it difficult or be it bad or be it unacceptable, you bear it the best you can... remember what Francois Villon said,

"Where have gone the snows of the yesteryear?"

Will you say someday, where have you old self gone? People changed, but where the previous direction had headed or being left? Imagine a personality is like a pencil in you pocket, one day people notice you with the pencil in your pocket, "Hi, Mr./Mrs. pencil," and then someday and sometime in the future, you tripped your legs and let your Mr. pencil to fall and 'plop' (it went somewhere, where no one really knows)... people will see you and say, "What happen to the Mr./Mrs. pencil?" or "Is this the pencil man/woman? Naaa... this ain't him/her..."

Man... I'm sick writing her and she as reference when using one... I don't want to be a neutral typist, but it seems a pencil had sticked inside my pocket, a pencil of using she and her in my writing... darn... so what? Be patient, and let it be... no matter what people might say, you should never say the F-word, but use the P-word, "Please understand" or whatsoever... Yes, to me it is a fact that parent should understand that someday a child will be an adult, even at the stage of a young adult parents should treat them according to their consciousness level (or should I use intelligence, instead?)... I do rebel, because I hate to be treated like a kid, some people might say this and agree with this... to youngsters, you should remember there is limit to everything... even to worship God, it is not all the time you sit on the prayer rug and pray.... we still need to work, to take bath, to study, to help others, to make parents understand, and remember to make ourself living towards improvement and betterment... not like some people who feel at ease to live life with negative and downhill deprovement (hei, is this word really exist?)...

I remember some of friends say, "That guy ain't coming coz he's a fanatic to his PC and PS2 and to his game and to his whatever stuffs la." That guy you can just simply conclude as ignorant of limit. Maybe we should teach finite math instead of calculuses or differential equation... owh, too bad I like those courses... sometimes I do wish I want to pursue Math as my major, but to some hell with Math... who cares... err what are we talking about? Yeah, that kind of guy is otaku (a geek, at least to me)... owh, what is actually the meaning of life? Will you join me of committing suicide? Just to taste the feeling of death, so we could understand what is the meaning of life... do we have to go up until that limit to understand death? Or, should we just enjoy and wait for the Mr. Shinigami (Death God) to stand in front of us?

Let's watch J-dorama or kdrama, rather than do this and that... ah, I should stop... maybe when one is given the chance to live for the second time, they'll appreciate life better... yes, people like me would understand... to people who only had accidents in virtual world, what do they actually learn? I was nearly drowned ... half suffocated under water in Terengganu... but my friends thought I was fine, just because I wanted to help my friend made me a victim for being pulled into the current... I was in panic, but I managed to kick the big rock under the water to push myself away from the current... had I care less about giving a hand to my friend, probably his girl might never has him in her heart (today). That's all fate... What can a geek like you understand when a man woke up on his bed knowing his wife was killed on the spot during the incident? He was given the second chance to do whatever he wanted for his life, even to marry again is still a possible solution... have you ever think about this?

This is life... a friend of mine said, larger than life... what does that mean? Ask BSB, they sang a song with a lyric "she is larger than life," Fxxk you! I told you not to use the F-word... use the P-word, "Please don't"... the One who is larger than life is God Almighty... how can a weak 'she' (yes, I'm a prejudice here) be larger than life... even a Jew is viewed as a total enemy by some Muslim, how can we live like that? Zannen desu ne (too bad)... you decide what you want? Fine... Fine with me... But to my fellow Muslim, be more cautious when you sing BSB song okay?

Yeah, I should get a sleep... no I shouldn't, I need to read Tokyo by Hayashi Fumiko for tomorrow's class... I was laughing at myself to view myself as a thinker because some friends believe they are... they say their circle is a group of thinkers... not including me, zannen desu ne? Who cares... I just can laugh to myself, and smile to see people are greater thinkers... But, small bit of effort is done there, that is to think...

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If you stand waiting for you bus and you had nothing to do, I have a suggestion, THINK! That is a way of using your time properly... even if you think of bad plan, if you don't do it, it'll be one ajr (reward) for you.. that's why think is good... but to do what you think, think more than twice :D

Monday, March 27, 2006

"There is nothing with being a monster, is there? As long as we can stay alive."

What a catchy way to end a story... it's an interesting story, entitled Villon's Wife by Dazai Osamu. I just think Japanese story/tale, even dorama, has its own uniqueness. I am interested or should I say attracted to read and watch Japanese works. But, still the old ones are a bit boring, probably because of the low quality (I'm discussing about the classic movies here).

Just now, I got a call from very far... it's been a while we've talked to one another... but still, the bond is there.. you know, when people travel and been apart, they should think of a way to communicate and keep in touch. Yesterday night, I called mom asking about our family trip to mom's village, a relative of ours died and being brought for burial from Kuantan to Bukit Betong (those who do not where this place is, just to let you know it's in the Lipis region, same region where Siti Nurhaliza dies ehehehe I mean came from). So, it was sad to know a very good guy passed away, ahead of his own father. His father, who is my Paklong, is still healthy and strong. But people always say God let the good ones to return back earlier by giving them shorter lifespan. What about me? Am I going to have a short or long time to live in this temporary world? Don't you feel anxious? Even the story Villon's Wife mentioned that women have no idea about happiness and unhappiness (which I don't really agree) but men only know unhappiness (I was laughing actually :D)... because of the unhappiness as the fate of men, the guy in the story always thinks of dying as the solution of his miserable life, but he said one thing that holds him back from dying, that is God...

I think, the author has a good grasp about one thing, that is survival. Every human being seems to have fear of death, which is why the Prophet reminded his ummah about having the sense of fear of death as a way for reminding oneself the true goal in this temporal life. When the time comes, people say you'll know because you'll get the sign about 3 days before you die, that's why a paper known as paper nyamuk, as called by my best friend, loves to report any news about events before the deceased ones were found dead, naturally or by accident or by whatsoever means of ceasing from existence. The word existence is actually is felt when one feels fear when thinking about death, that's because survival is an instinct. That's what Hitler believes to be the reason why he should supressed weaklings with the ideology of Survival of the Fittest, which was first introduced by Herbert Spencer.

Why should I mention about this? I should care less about talking this nonsense to anyone coz poeple tend to forget. I myself always forget things which are important to be done and remembered, that is the reason why I feeling under and that's a reason sometimes I feelin' down, even Black Eye Peas knows better :D

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When a day comes, were you smiling? But what about the following day, ain't you afraid of dying? Be a logotherapist, so you'll see the future like your yesterdays....
It's been a while using blogger.com for posting. I don't really care but I do think using w.bloggar is way better. Coz I don't have to log in every time I wanted to post anything to ma' blog. Vulgar jokes? Actually I'm reading a story about a man who has 3 years debt drinking at a restaurant without paying... he gradually became a troublesome guy who was at first looked as if he is a person of manner.

I do think time changes everything... even a friend that you know a while ago probably changed so much that you never know his/her personality and characteristic anymore... to see a girl without head cover and a guy who smokes is like seeing a panoramic view of a beautiful and serene surrounding... no more people who believes in static personality... even a girl with head cover could tell vulgar jokes way better than a naughty guy, I mean a jerk... coz people today live without heart... like me, I think so... when I do things, I forget how it affects my heart, and even how my doings might affect my family... and I do realize using English has diffrent impact to readers than using Malay, don't I think? Yeah, I just typed it :p

That's why when you first learn about a smoking brother lives in your house, you feel like darn... what had happened? Is he crazy? Than you started to realize, I myself did something without thinking in the past, I had even caused tears to drop... what is more tragic than seeing somebody's tears, that's a sign which tells you that you'd changed so much and I can't stand it anymore, or I could hold it no more... see, you even did something way worse than him... don't I think?

As I'm thinking right now, I should get back to finish my reading :D

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I always wish to see myself using others eyes..

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I only managed to type the title of my paper which will be due the next day, I mean tomorrow hehehe... owh as usual, the best time to type a paper is the night before the due date, don't ya think?

This is a paper for my Japanese literature class, I'm so lazy lah... not because I don't want to type, it's mainly because I don't have anything to talk about the story of Snow Country by Kawabata, the first Japanese to win the Nobel Prize for Literature... when will a Malaysian get one? To me, I don't even care, to produce a piece is good enough, but to gain a recognition through an award, shouldn't be something to strive for... otherwise the quality of your work will only be enough for the award, nothing more... I'm talking nonsense here... those with talent in writing and composing a good sakubun (composition/essay)... like Kawabata, this guy is crazy... coz you know what, he's one of the Japanese authors who committed suicide, crazy enough to be a damn good author... because to live life like Kawabata's is crazy... because he loves beauty through reflection... and something that is called 'wasted beauty' is the element that describes beauty... to see things indirectly, how could you live life that way without insanity?

I should start writing my paper, with a thesis in my mind, sounds like this: "Kawabata is one of crazy author," or should it be like this: "To see beauty, one has to find 'wasted effort', because ugliness and sadness is the true essence of beauty in reflection." What am I talking about?

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It is interesting to be an author because you are the one who controls the scenario... but it is way not interesting to just read with intention to know what actually happens... it should be more interesting when a story gives you, the readers, the power to determine (what will or) actually happened... have you ever stumble upon that kinda story? Read Japanese literature, they really loves to end a story without an ending, should I say with an 'open ending.' You decide what will happen next! You choose your own way of life, what do you want to happpen next until the final breathe you are given to exhale from your stuffed chest...

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Today is another boring day for making sins... a sick heart, a cursing mouth and aching head, no I'm bluffing... I wonder why, I did reinstall everything after recovering my system... but still w.bloggar does not appear, ah let it be... be it the application is not exist, I'm still able to post using blogger.com, and here I'm typing cursingly using blogger.com which I don't like much... just kidding...

Finished my nihongo shukudai (homework)... but I didn't even bother to check the spelling or even the grammar... who cares, I just want to complete everything carelessly... I did remember the email from dad, they are trying to win back my brother... in the email he says, my bro is like a stray cat... but we need to do something to avoid the cat from getting astray forever... who cares about him right now, coz he didn't even care about himself. Better do something for myself first, before going back to kick that fella... or actually I'm kicking myself, pushing to complete this semester... only about couple of months left... but I'm tired of doing homework, coz I'm even tired of not doing anything...

To practice Logotherapy at this moment seems to be boring... coz I nearly forgot about it until I read what I typed at the side of my blog... I didn't even bother to update my blog template coz too lazy for blogging, actually... only that the intention to write is still there... that's why I'm typing using blogger.com though I prefer to have w.bloggar on my system, instead...

What about you? I mean other people, what are you doing? I'm thinking of how subjectivity is something interesting to ponder... but I wonder what do people think about it, especially to my Malaysian people, do they think about subjectivity in life... do they even care, even once in their lifetime, do they even think about how subjective is the future is? To think about my friend's words is so exciting especially when I'm experiencing it too during discussion... having been the only Malaysian the class makes me quiet, or should I say reserved... what is interesting is that hearing the Westerners' point of view, keeping my view separated from theirs... but, luckily the teacher is from Asian country too, so she agrees with me when I saw her discussing about my own opinion about the issue. It's not that interesting, right? But to see the difference in perception between people from different regions is actually part of my observation... and what I hate most is that the boys over here have way too ugly handwriting compared to my friends back at home, no I mean in contrast with my own handwriting :D I know it's not related to my earlier thought, but still I'm observing here... what about you, did you observe things around you? Afala tatafakkaruun (Don't ya think)? Afala tanzhuruun (Don't ya see)?

For example, when people see or hear or read their own thoughts, they normally feel sick or disgusted... but to those who feel proud of their own thoughts, ah let you be.... coz to me, I just hate people who think of putting a copyright on their thoughts... coz ideas are given, though they are subjectively found in the minds... coz in my case, you can grab anything you want when reading my boring thought... only that it is not my problem should you use the thought improperly... coz I cherish free thinking, though I disagree with atheist ideology who based on free thinking... coz things need limit for everything to have answer... ask Mathematician, they'll agree that the idea of limit could serve as solution to some mathematical problems, which I believe myself should be applicable in the reality of living on this small planet of Earth... I'm saying the Earth is small because today people could travel to the other side of the world in one day, or less than one day... which happens to be the duration of travelling by flight from LA to KLIA... to those who say they are homesick even when living in the European continent... who cares, owh I'm sorry, I do care... but don't care about me coz I don't feel homesick... coz I cursed too much when I got home couple of years ago... and thinking of going back home for good makes me think myself as forgetful of the self which I used to be... maybe I could install more patience had I never been to a different continent, or land... that's why I used to think Malaysians are damn too nice when driving, but today, hell no... never in my mind anymore... even a judge and policeman had shown me discrimination in action, thought and judgment during my time back at home last 2 years... I just could not erase it from my mind...

If you dream to be a developed country in 2020, while you don't even try to correct you perspective, your mindset, you behavior, and anything about your subjective stubborn and negative behavior, you should continue condemning me... coz I think I'm also stubborn too, coz it's hard to change! I do have hard times trying to kick myself around... and even to kill myself, believe me I'm lying again... I should take a rest now for another day of class tomorrow...

Remember Coor's (a brand of beer) advertisement, playing a song of Train of Love, if I'm not mistaken.... which I too want to invite everybody to jump into the train... but I don't encourage you to be intoxicated... coz I'm not haraki like my other friends, so I'm inviting you all to enjoyment... cheers! Let's drink water... got milk?

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A friend mind was attached with the 'got milk' expression... so what happen to you, friend? One of your friends is already married, what about ya? Where is my civic? I mean my civic-mind, not 2006 Civic Si coz I don't even have one... Accord SE is more than enough, aight? You know what, a friend of mine said many are selfish, too lazy to make life beautiful and comfortable for others.... coz one own life is more precious... I hate you!

What had I type? I don't know.. what had I say? I don't know... Shiranai!! Wakaranai!!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

I'm typing here again? Had no intention to stop or pause from blogging, but the motivation is not there. Naaa... who cares right. Tonight is the last moment of Spring Break for this final semester of Spring 2006. Holla, Arsenal won! Heh, who cares... err not really, I do care... watching the game yesterday beating Charlton with 3-0 victory... that's what we call a worth watching game.

During the break, I went to Madison for ISR (Islamic Spring Retreat) program. It was nothing because everything is exactly like I'd expected before coming. All the same stuffs, and again the boring participants. That's why I sometimes hate to join Malaysian programs, people are too reserved whenever they were asked for opinions or thoughts. A reminiscence, should I say? Then, spent about 3 days in Gurnee, at Kak Nana's place. People who love to travel, do stop there. You are more than welcome, coz you'll here a phrase, "Buat macam rumah orang," for a sign that you can make the place like your own kampung. Coz, everytime when you hear the host says, "Buat macam rumah sendiri," the guests will always be shy like cats and silent like hogs (hehe)... but in my case, whenever it comes to me that opportunity, I always familiarize myself with places where the foods are being stored... that's why I like to stay there hehehe... During the stay, went to Chicago for a day, took a look at the city from the tallest building in America, Sears Tower... what a view... don't ever talk about KLCC, coz even KL Tower, I'd never been to any of those two, though my family's place is in Klang Valley.

What a boring break... or should I say brake? Just a brake from speeding to take a sigh and breathe... so I'll be able to continue my studies safely for the second half... but a month from now, we'll have another break... that is Easter Holiday, it's Hari Raya for people around here, yey! About two months from now, I'll be in the commencement ceremony, and about three months from now, I'm expecting for a chance to deliver myself back to Malaysia with my buddy, Mr. Paeh... already sent email to our sponsor, asking for two spaces on the flight in mid of June... hoping to hear confirmation from them as soon as possible... coz why, coz I'm dreaming of going to Niagara and Texas (actually I'm scared of driving after seeing the movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre, though they say the movie is actually based on a true story in Wisconsin, like I care hehe)... so, I can only dream today for a happy tomorrow... would I be able to dream of finishing this final semester with a dean's list? I'm striving for that, if capable...

As this is my final semester in the States, or should I say in Milwaukee which I love most (seriously! coz I hate my hometown because of my incapability of treating my own people nicely), I think it's xxxx for those who wish to study overseas if you just have the thought of experiencing life or breathing in foreign places, coz you'll learn nothing... but if you have the intention to improve yourself, you'll make use of this opportunity to the fullest, or should I say up to you? Naah... who care about what I should say... the thing is, you people should take the chance to observe, but not to adapt the bad examples... coz you'll end up like my brother, whose heart has been covered for becoming a smoker, as I remind him to observe but not to follow... yet, he ends up for being a stubborn guy, who has so many excuses when being condemned and questioned for smoking... who cares about him, go to hell! Haha... it's good to be heartless... but still he's my brother... to hate him is to hate myself... we pray someday he'll realize how terrible his observation is today because the glass that he uses right now is unclear... who can wipe his glass for him? Who knows... what's next? Yes, if you xxxx, it's your life... what should others care? They should care, whenever your life is disturbing them... like Mr. Paeh said, it's troublesome to live with people who care less about others... but in my case, the problem is settled by having me take the action... if they don't want to do it, I'll do it... for the past years, I learn not to complain, but still it's hard.. I do admit it...

Hey, okay la.... enough for this crappy typing... I should get back to reading and preparing for tomorrow... to my mom, I can't wait to see you all here for my graduation... but I'm afraid I don't have much plans... but who cares about plans, as long as you been here, that's more than anything... see you all in May... it's just around the corner... and to my bro, go to hell hehe... remember life is short when you remember how old the Earth is today... sooner or later, you'll be old, thinking back, what the heck do I wish to study abroad? And what the heck did I do during my wakai (Japanese for young) days? Will you join me for sighing all day during our old age, will ya?

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I'd read my friend's blog... reading the English, I'm not saying I'm a better conversant, but I spotted some grammar errors... you made me realize how brave you are showing yourself of making mistakes... I'm a bit fishy coz you ain't improve much... what am I talking about? Actually I'm not using proper English too... but sometimes, I think language as too restrictive when it has too many rules... rules are hard to follow, ask my brother, that's what he thinks which makes him hate to be in school... that's why you should study in foreign lands :p

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

It comes into my mind a question of the purpose of mass media. How many times in your life reading on the newspaper about the wealth of other people? As you know, some famous people gave her mother or whoever else a very expensive gift as a sign of recognition to the person's contribution to his success... who cares? It's not a public interest to learn about the fact he or she is so rich and able to do whatever he wants for the family or for any plans... who really cares? If it is about artist or musicians or whatsoever that has to do with artisan and entertainment, just put it inside the entertainment reports or magazine, but just don't mix it with news important or worth notice for the public interest. These days, people are too much with entertainment... the heart is empty, so is the mind... how crazy people are in spending for entertaining their empty spirituals?

What am I doing here? I just shouting out of stress preparing for my Differential Equation exam... I just finished reading for Japanese Literature class... I found that most readings that I had done for the class are interesting for my mind... it has to do with a lot of thinking and contemplating... I wonder how do people read books? I mean story books which I hate reading 'em before... but today, I do admit I enjoy reading story books.... But I'm reading 'em critically as there will be discussion on it in class... so, it's more interesting just to read any story by yourself, without having any debate about lessons or stuffs... but who cares, it's your world... I live in a my world... the M world... not Tun Dr. M's world... just an M world... ah who cares...

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I just don't get it... why people care about all those unnecessary things which I don't care much... and why do I care on things that others care less...