sibuklah, i thot that comment i should've delete it earlier... even if my mom's friend is reading my thoughts, hell yeah! i don't care...

today is supposed to be my good day... your comment is totally ruining everything, sigh... coz, i don't think my family members and close friend ever have problems with my entry... sibuk lah... they understand me better...

biarlah, let it be...

the reason why i didn't have my appetite lately (macam ye je) is because of all this:



There goes...

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i thought the word observer is just someone who observe? never thought of it, someone who has the intent to comment, and even dare to talk about hypocrite?

ah, now i'm being dragged by this thing called advice. you have to admit, everybody has conflict inside. even when you wanted to choose a meal, a survey does mention that people make about 140 decisions in choosing meals everyday. so, it's plain stupid not to say people has no conflict in life.

and i do think people change, and especially, i remember one sister's joke about his husband being at his 40, remind me of how a man becomes a stable person at the age of 40. people changed, accept the fact. iman, amal, knowledge, experience, inputs thru the senses cause people to change, depends if they react la... stupid people like me, sometimes i changed and stayed the same, it depends... but, i believe i've changed...

now i'm working in a corrupt world, called banking and finance world... this is a corrupt world, seeing at my friends being scolded at the data which they get it with good hearts, but being told the discrepencies are nonsense, i just can't understand why should we hide the fact that the world is corrupt? we should justify and subtly compromise with the evil deeds of others... too bad, the world is today worse than we believe it is.

i don't care if my words hurt you, just come to me and tell me face-to-face... but if you failed to actually put me in which of the 5 types of mad'u, you better think first... coz, in my world, stupid doesn't have to be stupid all the time, go and read philosophical works, you might learn something from there... i admit, you might be right and way better than me, but i like to read my thoughts, remind me of the past, and how i should react... if you think my words inappropriate for your eyes, i'm sorry... my world is corrupt too...

to my siblings, family members, friends, i do hate you all... but, does that mean i don't love you all? you can look at things from many different ways, that's what i like to explore...

you know, my world is complicated... it's correct, i'm a total hypocrite, but i like to stay like that... that way i can live better... you didn't know my world... and you are not wearing my shoes, and better not you don't have to face all this... coz, i'm willing to carry all this for the people in my life...

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my friend told me way earlier than you that i need to find my way. but, you see, you don't have to worry about me, i'm standing on my own feet, but i always lean on others too. i know, i've been stagnating for a very long time, but if you are observer, i don't want to grab your hand since i don't know you and don't admit you are helper.. haha just kidding... i'm more happy the way i'm today, coz i don't think i share the same understanding and meaning on the words "happiness" and "success" like most people out there have... we might be on different level, and at this moment, i would prefer to be in different ship... coz i still believe, i have the right to choose... but , does that mean i will choose to be atheist, or even follower of other religions? who knows, right? hehe... don't worry lah, you are free to think :) and don't take my words too deep lah, stupid you! just don't stay in my way...

this is the time i'm so pissed off with people who went to usrah.. they just went to usrah but still failed to apply to the real family, not a fake institution they set up just because they believe they are in the same boat of fighting for one cause, but this is the family which you had a contract upon yourself not only you fight for it, but you should learn how to take up the responsibility.

you see, some people, when they can talk, they just talk, but they fail to listen... which is sad, coz they think they are the brains here, but they failed to consider that there are lots of thought which they could not capture just because they have no heart and sensitivity to hear to people's views. i'm so sick of this usrah-going people, they just stupid and damn stupid!

they talk about teenagers whom they call are disease to the community, but at the same time they refuse to hear what these trash and stupid teenagers wanted to say. to me, just let these stupid teenagers die, who should care about these trash, they are just trash.. so simple, no? but, for usrah-going people, we should sit down and jot down the plans for handling the sick new generations... both are stupid, the ones who wish for solution to come and the ones who give no damn to religion and rules...

i'm so sick of these people coz people are too selfish today... when i got into LRT, i saw some stupid people leaning on the bars which i think these people could not come up to the thought that all these facilities are meant to be shared with others. another thing is about people who said, "better for the children to die rather than culture." stupid la these people, regardless they are my family members or my friends, coz this is plain dumb. to me, religion comes first, if it is again religion, do away with such culture, but even if to uphold a culture by letting your kids/family members die, even if such question was discussed in philosophy rather than saving a pregnant lady or a young kid, i would let the culture die rather than the ones with soul. i would rather let my kids, my friends, my people live well rather than giving them up for the sake of culture. if it is a fight to stand for our religion, that would be a just reason, but if you fight to death just because you want to keep your culture which is not even taught in your religion, i don't see how that kinda of death will be justified before God. unless, a culture to learn which is definitely taught by the religion, such culture is definite and no question we should continue living for it.

so, for stupid usrah-going people, stop being stupid. and for stupid malaysians who use the public transport, and even drive a car/bus/lorry, please la stop being stupid by being selfish, think of others. and for big vehicle drivers, stop la from polluting the air through your stupid busses and lorries... i would prefer hold ma breath coz i know, the law enforcers are also failures here in this developing coutry which is still far from being a developed country, i doubt 2020 we all can be a developed country, coz what differentiate between people in developed and developing country is only one thing, the mentality (or the attitude, if you think of it front the other side of the coin).

that is why we are still far from the dream... we only have the vision, but our people, they care less about others... they go for rempit, entertainment (JL award e.g.) while flood victims are begging for attention, and even for some stupid people they can't wait to get into the Komuter train while others are coming out, let everybody come out first la... about abandoning solat, don't mention la, even leaders themselves are not encouraging people to get back to God e.g. suggesting people all over the country to pray to God, and to flood victims to do a lot of prayers... i just don't see how they can lead this land with its people who really lack of civic awareness to be a developed nation by 2020, still very far la!

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that is why, some stupid people should reflect if they continue going to usrah... and to those who aren't, just try la to think of others at least once in a month if not everyday... i would be very happy, if i know you can be considerate with me when we board the same train at the same time... i beg for Your forgiveness and from you people out there, it's just I'm weak in voicing out my thoughts thru my lips, only fingers dance for me on this black keyboard.. i know, some people who have stronger faith can voice out and advice things prudently, but not me.. i'm so sick!