Be proud of ya self once in a while..
Be grateful to God all the time for the gift of life and soul...
Be prepared to go there for you'll will leave here for there...
Be ready to be question as choice is the reason for responsibility...
Be yourself no matter what people say...
Because be is a verb explaining the being of a person...
Because be does not mean acting, but be it!

To be or not to be?
No such question...
Coz you'll always be yourself...
No one could replace you in your one and only living...
You should be aware of being a self...
A kind of self which you choose your own path...
The choice you made will be questioned someday...
For you are responsible of each choice you make...
Not others, but you ya self...
Don't point on others... point to ya self...
One will laugh like Chapel saying "IN YOUR FACE"
Or in Malay, "Padan muka...."
Just for the consequences of making choices in life...

How pathetic humans are living without knowing their responsibilities...
Hanging around with nonsense... entertainment will never fill the emptiness...
Coz the way of life is only one and straight path....
The way to Heaven is truth submission....
Let not forget, submission in Arabic is Islam...
If you cannot tame ya self and ya heart...
Don't ever dream to be fulfilled...
And never dream of killing emptiness....
Unless you set your feet on the one straight path...
To the promised land we go...
Let's go together so we can meet there one day, IF God does not forbid...
Remember this day, the oath we shout inside our heart...
To be successful in getting to the promised land....
Coz one day we'll meet with smiles and happiness...
For the temporary life will be filled with joy and happiness...
In the hereafter...

Will we meet again, Mr. Ramadhaan al-Mubaarak?
Hope you'll bring me along one day, as one of my witnesses of today...
Dear Almighty God, please forgive me and those who remember YOU...
May Your guidance of hidayah lead us no this path...
The path YOU showed us thru the light of Your prophet and the Holy Book...

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Till we meet again if the soul is still trapped in this worldly body....

IF you read a book or hear a lecture about a new kind of thinking, think again... it's mocking you... why? Coz you couldn't come out with you own stream of thinking... you could not think by your own pity self... yep, the hell with you, there you go... it puts yourself in the correct shoes... but when you find out that you got some difficulties in order to follow others' way of thinking, you are great! Coz you got your can think... people like you are great coz you actually observe things around you and stimulate your minds with inputs.... not like bunch of normal people who only know how to read but failed to think by themselves... when you study, do you have problems in understanding? IF that is the case, you got problem with you thinking... again? Yep, you put too less efforts in understanding things on your own words and stories... you only able to depend on people's lecture and storytelling but yet you got nothing runs into your empty mind...

YOU GOT PROBLEM! Think! Owh sorry, you could not think... how pathetic....

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A saying goes like this... if you are brave enough to pick up a book to motivate yourself, then you should not buy the book coz you have enough motivation... why depend on others while you can actually walk into the store and reach the book.... isn't that brave enough to actually deal away with the problem in order to get that damn book? See... you can actually forgot your problem for a second (THANK GOD!) just because you want to get a motivational book... yep... there you go again... but, one book only one book can make this saying a trash... the Holiest book in the World... al-Quran huwa al-Kitab... laysa feehi royb...

IF you read a book or hear a lecture about a new kind of thinking, think again... it's mocking you... why? Coz you couldn't come out with you own stream of thinking... you could not think by your own pity self... yep, the hell with you, there you go... it puts yourself in the correct shoes... but when you find out that you got some difficulties in order to follow others' way of thinking, you are great! Coz you got your can think... people like you are great coz you actually observe things around you and stimulate your minds with inputs.... not like bunch of normal people who only know how to read but failed to think by themselves... when you study, do you have problems in understanding? IF that is the case, you got problem with you thinking... again? Yep, you put too less efforts in understanding things on your own words and stories... you only able to depend on people's lecture and storytelling but yet you got nothing runs into your empty mind...

YOU GOT PROBLEM! Think! Owh sorry, you could not think... how pathetic....

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A saying goes like this... if you are brave enough to pick up a book to motivate yourself, then you should not buy the book coz you have enough motivation... why depend on others while you can actually walk into the store and reach the book.... isn't that brave enough to actually deal away with the problem in order to get that damn book? See... you can actually forgot your problem for a second (THANK GOD!) just because you want to get a motivational book... yep... there you go again... but, one book only one book can make this saying a trash... the Holiest book in the World... al-Quran huwa al-Kitab... laisa feehi royb...

Stuck with my homework... Always remind me of the phrase "The hell with you people," which is the usual response given by the lecturer... of course the subject is Probability... Couldn't figure out by myself the application, and hate to say that I'm not able to find the standard deviation using the formulas, I don't know why things got entangled in my mind... kinda feel the materials are too much for me to cope with, and sometimes it makes feel hopeless in doing the problems... why this course seems to be easy to follow but hard to apply without any guidance... Shoot!

Yep, yesterday my classmate Emily asked me about my absence for not going to the homecoming events which happened in last week. Got to say I'm so lazy to go out, though she gave me the poster like a week before the program started. I know it's kinda fun doing some activities cheering for our GE (Golden Eagle) basketball team, but damn I'm lazy like lizard... I just feel like sticking my legs in my room, sitting in front my lappy and clicking my mouse just for games of minesweeper. Yep, it's been a while not practicing... but the most important since last weekend, I watched 2 DVDs of Kamen Rider Black like crazy... I think I had watched about 20 plus episodes... Yep, a childhood memory being remade...

Thinking of asking my advisor about my lazy plan for the final semester. Need to see him before midterm break, or maybe I can just leave it for the week after break. Midterm break will start 2 days from now. Those in other universities who got no midterm break, please don't get jealous. It's our luck this month for having 4 days break... can't wait for next month to have 5 days break... again, don't get jealous... it's a reward for going into a Catholic institution, we'll spend a long break during Thanksgiving... only a day more than midterm, no big difference... but a break is still a break... but what can I say, definitely my break will be used for doing my research paper... naaa, like I really mean it...

Ah... feel like kicking my head coz I really wanna get rid the probability problem from my head... otherwise my mind is filled and revolves around numbers and the S-shape of integral and delta of differentiation and P for probability and P(X|Y) for the conditional probability.... can't do anything much, I'm stuck....

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The hell with you people crying because people forgot to wish your birthday... hell hell hell cry not for birthday but cry yes for the confirmed death to come.... the hell with you Muslims nowadays?

My life span here is getting short... final sem has started yelling...

Registration For the Spring 2006 Term
Is Just Around the Corner!

Ø You can look up your midterm grades and access the Spring 2006
Schedule of Classes on CheckMarq.
Use your CheckMarq account to check your progress in the UCCS, the college curriculum, and your major, and to plan your courses for the spring term. Starting Wednesday, October 26th, the Klingler College of Arts and Sciences will also have hard copies of the Spring 2006 Schedule of Classes available at the College Office, Marquette Hall 208.


Ø Meet with your advisor.
· If your advisor is a faculty member, schedule an appointment with her or him for the week of Monday, October 31st Friday, November 4th.
· If your pre-major advisor is in the Advising Center (Marquette Hall 208), call to schedule an appointment as soon as you receive the mailing marked URGENT from your advisor.
· Students who are preparing to study abroad should meet with their regular academic advisors and turn in their signed Verification of Advising Conference cards to the College Office as usual. (Students who are abroad at the time of registration are exempt from this requirement.)


Ø Submit your Verification of Advising Conference card.
Deliver your completed and signed Verification of Advising Conference card to the Klingler College of Arts and Sciences office in Marquette Hall, 208. Remember, you will not be allowed to register until you have done so!


Ø Register for your classes.
CheckMarq Registration for the Spring 2006 Semester begins November 7, 2006.


Ø If you are planning to graduate in May or August 2006 . . .
... you must complete a graduation application and schedule an appointment to review your academic record with the Director of Student Records BEFORE OCTOBER 26th. You may do both of these in the Klingler College of Arts and Sciences Records office, Marquette Hall, Room 208 (phone: 288-5314).


November 18th is the last day to withdraw from or audit a course in Session 1.
You need your advisors signature for a withdrawal, or your instructors signature for an audit.

Bertiup angin malam
Tanpa bunyi
Tapi dirasai
Kelamnya gelap
Manusia beradu lelap
Biar pekat hitam malam
Rahmat Ilahi diharap
Meliputi dosa diri
Kerna lemahnya hati
Goyahnya iman
Kupohon... ampunlah diri ini...
Ya Rabb... ampuni daku...
Dunia ini tersingkap langsirnya
Mengabur mata
Menyimpang dan hanyut
Jauh sukar ingin kembali
Gelapnya... hitam pekat...
Mengalahkan kelam malam
Hati kotor kian hitam...
Ampunilah diriku...
Ya Ilahi, Ya Rabbi...
Ihdini wahdina...
Ila SirootiKA al-Mustaqeem...
wa laisa ila ghoyrih...
Ighfir li wa li man yazkuruk...
Lianna al-Maghfirah minKA...
A'zhomu al-Maghfirah...
Wa hayaatan mutmainnah..
Moga ke sana kan kutuju...
Bukan yang lalu...
Kerna lepasku gelap
Kuingin yang lebih cerah...
Nawwir ya Rabb... Nawwir...

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Forgive me... ighfirli... ampunilah diriku....

Yep... the watch started this evening... about 80 chapters to go haha what a waste of time... but it's for fun... not stressing like doing a job that I don't intend to do and jobs that only make your life miserable... stop thinking about others coz they ain't never think about you, always think of you as someone who need nothing from 'em.... shoh2... life is more than what you guys want by being dependent to others... better be a superhero... but remember a superhero also needs a hero... ???? Yep, think about Robbie Willam's song... you'll get the idea, I'm out!!

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Up up and away... here I come.... yosh!

When you got an Iranian or Jewish professor, you wonder how the understanding about Islam. But, think about this, you got a lecturer who knows you are fasting for the month of Ramadhan. Then, happened to be in the past several classes, there were chocs being distributed to every students in the class. You can only smile? No no no... that's not the case here, the lecturer will give you a handful of chocs so you can eat after you break your fast. What a class, what a lecturer and what a month! Been that way twice for this semester for the same class and for the same professor. What class? Probability... no no I'm not talking about probable, but I'm study about probability... why? It helps in the understanding of stats and for the sake of doing my econometrics... Everything right now build upon one another, how fun it is to study and to use all the stuffs that you had learned, or still learning, in bunch of different courses....

Voila! Today is the craziest day studying in Marquette... part of my experience being in the States, and being a student of a graduate course, can't say much except I need to take a deep breathe for a break.. surely not thinking about sleep or not doing anything, but I'm thinking of doing other things which deal nothing with academic or thinking, too much analytical thinking (just an excuse coz I did really less analytical thinking compared to before since I'm depending much on stats at this time)... so, I'm off here... what a relief!!!

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Thank God I'm still alive though feel like having severe headache right now!! Ishfee ya Rabb... Ishfee ro'see...

I wanna shout with my sore throat... shoot, my throat is killin' me... God, Ishfee... ishfee... please heal me God, I'm not feeling great.... I can eat, but the taste went away so fast as the throat keep scratching... feels itchy sometimes... a small test, I know... even this cold weather makes it worse... I feel like I wanna run away from taking responsibilities... remembering the tears of my classmate, how easy to be frank in public... but in my case, how pathetic pretending everything is fine and cool...

Owh, the tears in the eyes... sure it's a relief... a big relief that can draw a big and warm smile... how relaxing it is... those smiles... it makes everything healed for a second or two... What a power of smile after tears... I wish I could be like that, honest to oneself in whatever situation...

Ah... this test won't be able to kill the spirit in me... I'll do whatever it takes, I wish I could grab an ice cream at this moment blindly thinking about my sore throat... who cares...

__________________________________
Even a small test can make you fall and got unease....

Two days of spiritual exploration...

Yesterday, helped my ex-classmate learning how to do wudhuk and prayer. Though he missed Friday Prayer, I lead the Zuhur prayer for him to follow me. After that, sat down with him teaching the Arabic recitation. Wrote the Arabic pronunciation in Roman letters, he managed to read my hand writing coz he did very well reciting the Arabic verses of the Opening Chapter (Surah al-Faatihah). The experience made me crying inside. I was in the state thinking of me being in his shoes, believing in God but has no guide in order to practice the belief I have. But, alhamdu liLLAH, I'm glad God gave me the opportunity to show my new brother. Before leaving the prayer room, I gave him a Muslim name, Muhammad. We were joking about rushing to the DMV to change his name. Then, we laugh. What a sweet time, having a good time with my new brother in Islam.

This morning, went to DMV, helping my buddy to do his road test. At DMV, met Qiu Qiu, my classmate in the graduate course. Had a short discussion about Islam. Glad to explain Islam to her, since she mispercieved and misunderstood the word Muslim and Islam. Hope she'll find a way to learn more about Islam, not just believing in Christianity without knowing the difference between Islam and Christianity. Many people do not know what is the difference, and I can say most Americans have misperception about Islam. The media in Western world had put wrong idea about Islam and Muslims, the people. I'm glad as I helped Qiu Qiu to understand what's the similiarity between Islam and Muslim. Maybe some other people will also think, Muslim is terrorist but Islam is not. Why the discussion started just now? Just because I hold a tafsir by Sayyid Qutb, it was all from the book that opened me a chance for the discussion. Never think of such power a book could have. But, there should be no surprise because a book is a written text, and the first revelation of God mentioned the word "read" and "pen." So, we should believe, there is power in pen and its products.

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What I'm trying to say here, dakwah could be done to Muslims and non-Muslims... but what has you prepare for yourself when the opportunity to call the people suddenly appears in the line?

Don't you wanna work out for more pleasing personality? The hell with that... Sorry bro, not this time... I love to make people to hate me right now, coz I wanna free myself... Like a bird in a cage, making fuss to piss the owner off... wishing someday the owner will let it be free into the blue sky.... I'm not worried if you hate me, but I'm more concern if I hate myself.... Though I'm not being personable, who cares.... hate me as much as you can so one day you'll forget my existence, that I'm no one here and I'm no one in you... Only a stranger who wants to kick your ass for being monkeys on my shoulder... hell you people coz you made others' lives miserable... did I make your life like a hell? Yes, it should be like that, haha... IN YOUR FACE!!! Did ya got that? huh?

___________________________
Salam Ramadhan...

What a surprised, I never know one of my brother already hafaz the whole Quran. Mannn how long it has been, coz he's the first one among his batch able to finish hafazan within a year. Congrats to my bro! Why no one ever told me earlier? Only now I know he's being the imam for a masjid in Kapar. It sounds nothing surprised for my family? Ermmm, so it makes 2 of my siblings finished memorizing the Quran. Congrats to my youngest sis too. I know it has been a while, but I should congrat you too!

What about me? What have I done to myself recently? and for the past 5 years? I'm slacking off, d****t ops it's already Ramadhan month, starting tonight :D I'll do my best, ganbare to myself! O'oo I need to continue reading some more research reports and memorizing Japanese vocabs for quiz tomorrow.

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Again, congrats to my bro and my sis.... well done to both of ya! So, I could not avoid the fact that Hira' is an influential 'cave' to our family members...

Lots of works. Lots of distractions. Lots of responsibilities. Lots of and lots of and lots of... but life is the greatest gift, don't say you cannot accept it or you'll offend the One who gave it to you... He's the Most generous... He cares much about you, but how much you care about HIM?? Damn you humans and me!!

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Apa aku mengarut ni...

RAMADAN: The available data indicate that the Astronomical New Moon will occur on Monday, October 3, 2005 at 10:28 GMT, i.e. 6:28 a.m. Eastern Standard Time or 3:28 a.m. Pacific Standard Time. On October 3rd, this moon is going to be about 15 hours old on the west coast of USA, and all consulting Muslim astronomers are unanimous that it is impossible to see it in North America. The reason is that it is going to be too low (only about 2 degrees) above the horizon at sunset in North America setting in about 5 to 15 minutes after sunset. On October 4, it will be easily visible in North America, because it will be about 39 hours old and will remain on the horizon for up to 45 minutes. It will be a big moon, but it will be the first crescent seen in North America. With this indisputable scientific data, it is likely that 30 days of Shaban will be completed and the first day of Ramadan will be on Wednesday, October 5, 2005, for North America, inshaAllah.

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Welcome Mr. Ramadhan.. come in come in, stay with us... we are glad to have you here again and again... can't wait to meet with you!