Sunday, July 23, 2006

Today is supposed to be another good day for me. I will do something great again! Hohoho... I have a plan to do some repairs to the old car, namely Tiara, not Datin Tiara Jacq okay hehe... so, what I need to do is to change the brake oil, surely will cost about 15 ringgit kot... then, I choose to also change the engine oil, or to some people they call it the black oil... so and so, I will try to ask the mechanic the price of the cable for the clutch... owh, not to forget, I need to ask him to check the brake, give some service la, and not to touch the filter. So, roughly, I need to bring some money la, where can I find money la coz I haven't got job yet... haiya, this looks bad la to my saving... but, this should be a small investment for me la, at least I can move a bit.. not just staying at home and being assistant to babysit some kids la, not now la.. I had enough, I couldn't stand being chased by a little girl and being screamed at with a very high pitch voice, haiya, not anymore la...

I did repairing this and that, though costed me some money, still a good deal la, not just staying at home having nothing to do. At least aa, you can smile when you see at something good you do, not to be proud at yourself, just to feel happy that something can work again like new... that's how happy you could earn by being a helping hand... so, the next thing you can think is to repair the car lah... what else you can think when you see a broken car? you need to repair lah...

I should cycle a bit la... coz I feel lazy since I know how to drive... that's the syndrom when you know driving... stop learning driving but go and learn to make cycling a habit... it's good for your health lah for sure....

Going out with special someone is good also... no need to worry, no need to be tense, no need to test you patience, just cruise around and smile wohoho... time is not wasted when you have quality time with someone you think can make you happy... just by smiling you indirectly produce a gift to others... so, think smart and smile lah when you got nothing to do... :D

^~^ ho ho ho... happy and happy, being happy is good for your health too.. so be happy lah no matter what you do and no matter where you are... inshaALLAH, good news will be revealed to you soon enough... wait for another happy week to arrive... something good might happen if God permitted...

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If I work right now, probably I got no time to spend my quality time like I am now... hopefully, even if I were busy with job, I wish I could still make others smile... but, I need to smile first ^~^

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Tsumaranakatta... was really boring... sugoku! what can I say, the medicine of waking up myself in the early morning is by letting my ears torn apart with very loud Japanese song. Yesterday, I did try by letting my niece shouted into my ears, for I had made her cried till she vomitted, luckily the saliva fell on her shirt, not into my ears lah.

So, I am wishing for today not to be another tsumaranai day. The life of an unemployed is different. You got nothing to chase for the day, unless you set something to do in the day. My life is just too lame, being a driver and helping Ma taking care some kids, which lately I don't do much to help her. The least I can still do is washing the dishes, probably because I was trained in the States to make sure the kitchen clean, lucky la my wife-to-be :D Yesterday was another day I drove with anger in my head. I kept my face with fierce look whenever I look at silly drivers. If you happened to be one of them, smile at me please... I need to be entertained, but what can I say, slowly I am getting used and more relaxed with the traffic. I think, I had changed back to my old way of driving, though I can still tolerate to bikers and those who use signal, coz I like those people. Lately, in Malaysia, bikers are like I don't know what is the best analogy to them, coz they care nothing about obeying the red light. I couldn't remember how mad I was until I shouted to a biker "stupid!" for him to push me to steer the car just to avoid him, riding like crazy. If I got no heart, I'll definitely hit you to death. But, the car is not mine. Only that the shout made my brother beside me became so quiet. Ask him how mad I was at
that time. Stupid people are always stupid, like Forest said, stupid does what stupid does.

Am I stupid? Maybe and not. Sometimes, I do admit I got no brain in doing things. I just got feeling, that makes me mad sometimes to see people do things using their shrimp heads. What can we say, that's the beauty of life. When you see so many differences and weird actions, will you laugh to death or cry for how stupid the actions are, or will you kick those people to death for not doing things properly? For example, last 2 years, I couldn't find someone smoke while the khatib reads the khutbah. Today, things happen, I do know what goes into the minds of those silly people, there are people who smoke during the khutbah. Crazy lah, you are in Masjeed, shoot! Even girls got no shame to smoke in public. See, Malaysians are westernized more than those who went to the West. Shoot lah all these people. Even my brother got no brain, saying he just gave it try to smoke, but soon he got addicted, I hate smokers. They caused me to have T.B. virus in my lung. I wish I could die early so I won't be able to see the sickness of the modern society.

That is why I don't get it, some people they shout for usrah and then when they get back to their home, they don't act like one. Got no energetic force to work for the real family, but being so nice and very very very energetic to smile during programs and occacions, shoot lah those people too. If you say big in the usrah, you should do big things with your family. You need to improve the well being of the family first, if you can pass that level, I am willing and happily to support any work for usrah you shouted for. "Come and join us when you like," aha definitely I am not joining. The reason is obvious, usrah to me gave no improvement, to start again every single thing, not my taste. I had been back for more than a month, and I don't see anyone from my previous usrah groups care about meeting me. So, I am taking things slowly. Had I have the intention to meet others, I'll be the one who'll take the actions, I won't wait for others, they are just people, normal people so busy with their lives. I love my real family more than usrah, that is why. If you shout greater for usrah than your real family, shoot, I will shoot you!

That's so easy. If you got words, you kill anyone. No, I mean you can hurt anyone, coz words are like swords. For you to use it, wisely and properly, or whatever purposes you wanted.

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To me, words are just words, I value actions. I know, I know, I use words more than my hands and legs, not for you to care, coz everyone should care more about themselves. Self, family, society, country, world. Everything has it's own stratum.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

I'm hoping that Central Bank will love me like I love Honey & Clover. I wish I'll be able to work for them, to continue developing my research skill in the field of Economics. This is the chance for me to continue loving Econometrics. I feel so lucky to do quantitative Economics, just because I love Math is not enough, Economics is so much fun too.

But, in anime, Honey & Clover is one of the best. Still got my attention, not just the story, but the beauty of the drawing too. I love the smile, I love the eyes, I love the action. Life is like a journey, I travel to seek meaning in my life, and you have your own journey in finding meanings.


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So, everything starts here. In 2 weeks, I'll get the meaning of today's interview. To see how good I was during the interview which involved 3 interviewers. We'll what next. May Allah ease my life, the way I wanted it to be, and the definitely way He pleases. InshaALLAH, everything will stand as it is.
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August could be the month of beautiful journey for tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I wish I can reborn myself. Sometimes, I just don't get it why I am so impatient. A friend of mine, who was a very close friend when we were in college, told me about a culture shock faced by most students who return back to Malaysia from the States. I wonder, does this claim as nothing to do with those who return back from European and Brisith soils? Weird eh? Coz you are born under this coconut shell, you might not know how things are in American land. Though their buildings are way dirtier and old school compared to Malaysian, they are people with attitude. Another friend of mine informed me that Malaysia is known as number one in physical and infrastructure but with third world attitude.

We really need to focus on manufacturing 'Modal Insan' so the minds of the people are at the same class of the infrastructure. We need more k-worker who can really work, not just people like me who only knows but has no experience in working world. But, no to worry, by working we gain experience and skills.

Still not to late to remind myself to be more patient, and not to be carried by the 'slow' flow of the Malaysian attitude. I neeed to tell myself to be patient during driving and while queuing up waiting for turn... Malaysians are too courteous, so we need to accept the pace of their services. Though they think we are not special people, they have no need to speed up the pace. They follow their own pace, so I need to accept it. Ewah2, macam la dia bagus dan laju sangat. I don't say I'm better, I'm reminding myself to accept the pace. People in Shah Alam drive very carefully, that's why they don't care whether they slow down the traffic coz they only think the road belongs to them. This is life in Shah Alam :p

La la la.... my brother will be continuing his studies, and I'll be left with my standard 6 brother who is and should be preparing for his UPSR trial. While I'll be going for final interview with the central bank tomorrow (Thursday) with hope of being hired by the Economics Department. Pray for myself and for my brothers! :)

Mom told me that our neighbor reads my blog. I don't care, but if I do write impolitely, I hope it is acceptable to my audience, which I intentionally address to myself. This is just a words to my own self for me to remember of how I run my life. I believe life is like writing a diary, so it is me who moves the pen, and Allah is The One who lets me moves the pen the way I want. So what? If I refuse to join usrah, do you say you care? If I put priority on my real family as the reason for not going to usrah, will you say something? I don't want to be like some of my siblings, giving great attention to societies and organizations while having tired faces at home. That's just too hypocrite! But, I don't care... Hammuka 'ala Qodri Hammika (Your priority is based on the rate of your priority). If you prioritize A more than B, so you should do A, I got nothing to say. Only than I'll do B if I tell myself that B is prior to A. Who cares. As long as everyone is doing fine and happy, I'm happy too.

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I'm not going to force myself anymore, I'll do things my way. I'm trying not to force others coz I think I'm bad at this... I should push myself further, not by putting pressure on people in my circle... Ganbaru yo Abuduru-san!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

La la la la... I'm driving Chevy Aveo... ehem, not mine, just got a temporal job to do, assigned by my uncle who trusts me very well :D So, I am asked to pick up his son, definitely my cousin la, and send him back home. It's that simple, which I should not say simple as it sounds. So, tomorrow I will have something to do, instead of posting online application and sending CV to HR Dept.

What can I say, I am unemployed unwillingly. But, one thing my uncle told me is to be firm in your decision. An example was given from his department, who is a scholar of TM, kept complaining about low salary and better opportunity with different companies. He was scolded by my uncle for being stupid. Yes, it is not wrong to complain, but it is wrong to be ungrateful for being sponsored and asking for better rewards. You either say alhamdu liLLAH, or shut your mouth! Then, my uncle said, some people they went to study abroad, but they came back and still use English with local dialect, (smells like budu and belacan, suddenly crossed my mind). This reminds me of my own experience. Twice happened to me being asked by English speaker after hearing my English. To me, these instances are still unexpected. Once, an old man asked me whether all Malaysians can speak English very well like I do, which I doubt I speak English fluently as I pronouce word by word like snail :p Another instance was during my trip to New York, I sat beside one old lady from Britain, she said my English is excellent after a year living in the States, I only smiled partially buying to the praise. I am still doubt about my English proficiency, but maybe I am doing fine without realizing. Yes, I know it should be 's' instead of 'z' coz I am already in the land of Malaysia.

What the heck am I saying? Praising myself, not really. It's just a reminiscence kept in my heart. I still need to find something worth doing and contributive to my improvement. Just because others can do better, does not mean I can do better the way they did it. I need to find my own tune, progressing with the first step. Probably not with the first step, maybe after couple steps. As what I believe and being told, be an observer, speaks your stand firmly without holding back or saying "Wait aaa, I'll check back" after presenting your point(s). Owh, come on... I need to improve my elaboration. Could not think properly, and failed to arrange words and ideas cohesively.

Mannn, I'd yawned too much.

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Got work to do, work to do... tomorrow should be fun and funnier than today!