I've been focusing on studies like crazy, not really but more than before. A senior year means what to you? It means you'll be a faking idiot who will someday wasting time after graduation. Been dreaming all day doing my 5th year of studies in this great institution where the first MSAE (Master of Science in Applied Economics) in the US was born. It's a fact, MSAE in MU is one of the oldest in the US. Even if you grad from great university, you'll give a think about joining MU's MSAE which has set foot for 22 years (since the year I was born). Mann, the program can be month(s) older than me.

Been thinking of having the free breakfast provided by the Econ Dept. so to give students opportunities to speak and chat with faculty members of the dept. Wondering if I'll be able to speak up and making friends with all the faculties, who are definitely great people with great minds. Yes, Economics is a science of teaching you the correct common sense of how to live life. You don't have to think about working if you know the future return you'll get by giving full focus on your studies and on-campus acitivities/or works. A small contribution to the campus community is a plus for you. I'm trying to build the network of which dad always reminds me about. I don't know why, I keep thinking of telling my friends to do their grad studies in MU even if you are damn poor. I've been thinking of going back first and plan for future. Coming back? Who knows, God surely knows better. I wonder where will HE lead me, I'm going into what kind of life, waiting ahead, in the future.

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Ding dong, I don't know what I'm doing here... just a little something to get rid of ma mind before focusing back on studies... at last, I had my break to untie the threads in my mind.... got nothing to do with you except for special someone.... of course mysellingfish will be the first priority as I'm driving ma'self as the only vehicle for me living in this world of tests and responsibilities...

It's really early in the morning. What am I doing? I should read and revise, but the hell I'm posting here? I'll stop then. Got exam at 11 in morning and a quiz at 5 in the evening. Man, life is busy. Sometimes it feels like having no room to exhale and inhale tranquilly but what can I say, I'm just tired. My mind is fatigue, I don't want to curse this and that because this is life, I'm a living being.

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Life is at last full with something, not filled with nothing anymore...

Saw:
- Venus
- Harvest Moon
- Stars
- even a shooting star

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I wish that I could own a very powerful telescope... but all God's creations are amazing.. subhaanALLAH

When you wake up, what do you feel? I feel like I wanna see the sun rises... but hey, i missed it! Should see it for my homework assignment... haha... I need to monitor sunrise for 3 weeks... but today's morning is cloudy, so I could not see the sun. I feel like I wanna made up facts for the assignment... I forgot to watch moon yesterday, when watching the moon, I'll see crab or I'll remember someone hehe... I saw on TV yesterday at night before I went to bed that we can see harvest moon (moon with orange color which is actually looks orange because of dust in the air near our planet Earth). So, people see it! Go and see it, you'll see the harvest moon, and the moon will be near the autumnal equinox on the 22nd, if I not mistaken. But hey, you can see the moon in orange color. Most importantly this Saturday if you see the moon, you can spot a bright star below the moon, it's Mars! No kidding... if you see the moon rises just after sunset, you can spot a bright star appears near the Eastern horizon (again here, if I not mistaken) which again is Mars. Surprise? You should be, 'coz you always thought of bright stars will always be stars, but a bright star can also be a planet. That's why people like Galileo can observe the Universe because there are 5 planets visible to the naked eyes, you should know Venus, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter (am I correct, I don't exactly remember the 5 planets closest to Sun heheh)... and during sunset/sunrise, you might find a really small black dot on the Sun, not the sunspot.. but i can be Venus or Mercury... shocking? Shouldn't be, I saw a picture taken from university area of the Sun with a black dot... seriously, it's the truth! Ask my lecturer then, she'll explain better :D I learn a lot from her class, even after 3 weeks of class I'm so amazed knowing that old lady with grey hair teaching Astronomy. But, mannn she's damn good in science especially in Astronomy. The textbook is right now the 9th edition, I could imagine how long she'd been using the textbook, coz I saw the 1st edition of the textbook in library which was published around 1980. Yep, I'm amazed that I learn stuffs about Astronomy from a very old lady... but I adore her eagerness and enthusiasm when teaching the class... she's so motivating and full of scietific jokes, we enjoy her class!

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I don't know whether you people out there can see the harvest moon... but people in America, do enjoy it! I still remember how big the moon is in the desert city of Las Vegas... the full moon was really big which sometimes stole my sight from the road... memang bahaya, but God's creation is sooo great! I'm amazed!

It has been a while that I don't hear songs... Sitting in front PC makes my neck damn tired. Right now my feet are cold, thanks to the weather. I make myself as lazy as I could, but managed finishing homeworks and assignments. But, yes, a bit slow and a bit relax. I should study for tomorrow's quiz. So, I'm off now. But, what I wanna say here is that, thanks to myself for making me silent. Speak to the hands, gila lembik...

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I watched a reality TV program called 'Date My Mom'... yucks, the program does help homo people to get a date... a man dated another man's mother for the son and just now a girl dated another girl's mother for the daughter... dah nak mampus sangat ke dunia sekarang ni siap selamba je masuk TV? Lagi plak kat Christian univ yg aku masuk ni pun takleh nak halang group gay/les yang siap ada associations tu... ceh... bengap betul...

If you have a talent, at least a talent, you should be aware that you need to harness it no matter what. But, once you master it, you need another preparation. To have a talent gives you a responsibility. The ability you have must come with motivation and psychological support. Once you failed to control it, you might turn your life into trouble. People who could not control their own abilities and talents might suffer instability. Even if you know somebody with talent, as one of the member of the somebody's circle, you need to support 'em. Your supports mean a lot to those who have talents. You might find a friend who has difficulty to mix around with people around, and sometimes he or she prefers to be alone or be by him/herself. This can be due to the difference of ability which makes a person to feel having a self which is not equally leveled with people in the circle.

Yes, sometimes we failed to notice and recognize our own capabilities. But, once we realize it, better control it and not letting control you. Sometimes, it can be fun to see yourself improving and leaving others behind. But, at later stages, you might find how different you are than others than might cause you having problem to fit in. But, hey, there is nothing wrong even if you could not fit yourself in. That's why psychologically you have to be prepared. This is what's wrong to some Muslims thinking of themselves being different than the society where they belong. Things happened, what can you do. You could not fit in? That's because your religion is your life. The society hates you? Yeah.. so what? Be firm, especially in the truth. The faith that we have is the truth. Nothing can change it. Same goes to your ability and talent, what you got in you is what describes you of who you are. So, what's wrong with that of being different? Just be prepared... some might like you, but other might hate you at the same time...

Why do feel hesitate? Just seek yourself.... it's the philosophy of Existentialism? Nope... it does not have to do with Existentialism... it's what commanded by God, to seek the truth... you can find Him by thinking about yourself... seek inside you, you'll find HIM... If you missed it, continue looking for it... there are so many ways you can seek the truth... even a native Australian man could tell that a person or a thing that has anus is not god... that's why asking the native Australian man would definitely reject Jesus to be devine because Jesus has anus and Jesus eats... anything that eats has anus, you know why... you can read more from the late Ahmed Deedat's writing of What Is His Name?. It's the truth!

Hell yeah, be prepared and be firm with what you have in you... stand still, okay?

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You can do it! Tell me that I can do it too :p

Slept, woke up and surf. Pray. Call Malaysia. Prepare to go out now. First time making ma self a member of the Econ Association. I wonder, if there is any way to officially put my name under the list of American economists. I wish I could. I never imagine that I'm really preparing to become an economist, as I'm learning the tool used for economic research since last semester. Yes, I'm thinking of the opportunity of applying the skill that I'm learning now. At first, I always thought that there is not a single skill you can learn by being an economist. But, right now things are different. Heh, too ambitious? Maybe... but not like before, 'coz I'm putting my feet on the realm of reality, now.

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Got to move... eager to listen lectures for inputs...

Rewarding myself after breathing 22 years on Earth... a slice of carrot cake paid it all :D

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This is the best ever... thanks to those who sent me greetings and wishes! :)

Saw this on da way back from San Francisco to Las Vegas.... marvelous!
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So, US has several ways to generate power and electricity... I'm still amazed as I learn it by seeing, not hearing...

Mak aku kata, orang yang bulu idung dia berjuntai pemalas orangnya. Tapi, rata-rata orang yang bulu idung dia sampai terkeluar yang penah aku jumpa, aku tengok orangnya jenis selamba. Dia tak ambil peduli apa orang lain kata, tu sebab dia tak kesahkan pasal penampilan dan gaya. As always, Mom will be the one yang selalu sebut tentang watak dan penampilan. That is why sampai la besar pun, taknak aku tengok muka kat cermin nampak bulu idung terkeluar. Selekeh aku kata kat diri aku kalau aku nampak macam tu. Keluarlah satu eksesais yang bakal mengeluarkan air mata, iaitu cabut bulu idung. Sape berani? Cabut je bulu idung dengan sentap. Peh, nanti kuar air mata, sedih pasal bulu idung tak dapat cabut tapi sakit kat dalam idung haha. Kalau malas sangat, trim la pakai gunting. Hatta kalau pegi kedai gunting rambut kat mesia pun ada servis potong bulu idung, buat sendiri je la takde la malu kat tukang gunting rambut bila ada taik idung melekat haha.

Ish, apa aku citer ni. No... this is important. Kemas dan bersih amat diutamakan agama. Cuba bayang pak imam bulu idung berjuntai, hish nak menengok muka pak imam pun tak hingin. Penting to those yang berdepan dengan orang ramai, which each and everyone of us pasti buat iaitu bersosial la. So, first impression from others tu yang penting. The first glimpse gives a simple picture of who you really are. If you are lazy and care not about appearance, from the first glimpse, people can tell. Sape suh jadi Asian, kat bulu idung dah kaler itam. Kalau jadi orang putih, bulu badan kaler emas tu hahahaha. The same thing goes bila aku pegi kelas, pastu ada benang kaler emas kat baju aku bila aku duduk. Cis, rambut minah saleh mana yang gugur, dah la buruk plak tu (nak kata rambut itam lagi lawa :p). Tu orang kafir, pegi kelas pun macam baru bangun tido. Pakai selipar, fesyen pun memang macam baju tido. Hampes. Muslims tak patut la macam tu, at least kita tunjuk how eager we are attending class.

Hari ni, aku kena lagi. "Do you like subs?" "Yes," aku cakap je la aku suka, memang pun :p Lecturer aku ni, mentang-mentang dah tau aku Muslim, pasal aritu dia pnye soklan pasal beer kat aku tak menjadi pasal aku kata aku tak minum. Terus dia tau aku Muslim, pastu bleh dia tanya wiski aku minum tak. Jangankan beer, wiski pun aku tak minum. Tu yang kena lagi tadi, pasal this time dia nak sebut pasal pizza, ye la kalau-kalau aku tak makan pizza, bleh la bedal subs (ntah apa beza pun). Pastu dia sendiri paham-paham kalau aku makan pizza, aku takkan makan yang pepperoni pnye. Sah-sah la... tau takpe...

Wah, dah dekat 6.20 pagi waktu mesia ni. Mana orang lain ni? Aku sorang je ke yang berjaga? Hehehehe... macam la aku kat Mesia. Apa pun, kena la ucapkan kat diri sendiri, moga panjang umur murah rezeki. Thanks to the one yang sent gifts and cards, you are so nice!

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Awal sem lagi dah banyak kerja, ni yang buat aku malas... padahal dah senior year :D

Baru je tengok TV1, saluran infotainmen anda... aku nak eja infotainmen pun aku nak rasa tergelak... ntah apa-apa bahasa la, info pun nak kena entertain ke? Kalau bab-bab nak keluar terma baru, hui laju je, pastu pelik-pelik plak tu... kan senang saluran maklumat ke, saluran informasi ke, saluran makluman ke... aku yang dah la tak hebat BM ni pun rasa tak best bila pakai infotainmen... haha selamba aku kutuk... itu rupanya perubahan baru RTM yang dilakukan...

Pastu, pukul 6 pagi Mesia disiarkan lagu kebangsaan Negaraku rentak baru. Peh, boring betul aku dengar, best lagi yang lama pasal yang baru ni tempo dia lembab sket. Yang dulu tu semangat lagik, nak buat lagi pancaragam atau perbarisan pun sedap. Kan ke bengap buat rentak perlahan, lagi la orang lain mengantuk nak dengar. Dah tu plak, dah buat baru dia perasan rupanya melambatkan tempo ni tak sesuai dinyanyikan pada majlis-majlis rasmi. Kenapa? Pasal memengantukkan aaa... tu pasal la kena ubah balik, tak ke buang masa? Tu la, niat nak dapat nama aje... pastu buat tak fikir apa best apa idak, yang dok bawah takleh kata apa kang kena tukar jabatan plak. Peh, banyak betul la buang masa.

Ah, dari aku dok buang masa bising2 pasal apa ada kat tanah air, baik aku gerak dulu gi kelas. Hmmm banyaknya la kerja sem ni lepas dah list down semua assignments and homeworks untuk sem ni. Takpe, kena usaha lagi. Yang paling best tu, famili kata congrats untuk result Summer baru ni. Ni yang buat semangat nih... okay, jom kelas jom!

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Time aku nak kuar ni tiba2 ada bunyi lagu tekno, pastu tiba-tiba plak kuar firman ALLAH... ceh, moden sangat la tu program remaja kat TV1 ni... camne la aku nak minat TV1 yang baru ni?? hmmm

I'll always laugh when seeing my youngest bro making faces... I know he's not a cry baby anymo' but this pic reminds me of how naughty he is and how dominant he can be, among cousins and friends. A little fella. But, to me he got great things which I sometimes wish that I can be like him. One day, he'll prove himself to me. Let him be as slow as he wants, but I believe he is the best compared to the other 7 siblings. Mom always said, he's growing up with computer. He is someone. Am I correct, Aie?

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Don't downgrade little fella, 'coz one day, he'll kick ya ass!

I got an email. But, I never expect to get it this early. Time fliles so fast, I don't even feel it. Don't make me think of leaving this state, yet. But, what can I say, the email reminds me that the day will come in a split of seconds. Just wait and see.


Subject: We need your photos for May '06 commencement
Hello Everyone,

Believe it or not, we're already preparing for your commencement ceremony in May and need your assistance in assembling a PowerPoint slide show for the Al McGuire Center. Similar to this past May's ceremony, we will be showing a slide show just prior to the start of the ceremony so that your family members have something to watch while you're lining up in alpha order in the practice gym. Please e-mail photos of seniors over the course of the year and I'll do my best to include them in the show.

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Hi Mom, hi Dad, hi Sweety... I'm coming home :p

Attended Chess Club meeting. My first time. Remembering all the past days when I started playing chess with my dad. He always beats me, asking me to move as fast as I could. Surely, a young boy has a shortsighted mind, moving carelessly and got defeated. But, today I just watched my friend, Scott, playing with the Vice President. He defeated the Vice Pres, making him surprise even until we settle down at the Henke Lounge to do MATH 160 homeworks. We got stucked, so we both headed back with nothing. Not even a single question we could solve, ermmm actually we were stucked from the beginning, that's why we decided not to move on. Before leaving, Scott asked me to join his team for hockey game, just for intramural activity. I'll think about it. Why not give it a try? But, I'm a senior right now... but my friend here is doing more credits than what I am doing right now. I'm not as hardworking as he is, and I'm not as good as he is. Naaa, always give excuse when it comes to social acitivity, come on... we'll see, still not sure 'coz I really need to get more details about the game.

It's kinda weird 'coz I'm right now a senior, but it seems to me that I only started to join the community. Still a long way to go, but I have less than a year now. Wish me luck!
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To do great things sometimes need you to experience small things... Small steps to great ones...

Mesia baru lancar MiTV, katanya nak lawan Astro. Okay, good and fine. Bila baca MiTV ni dimiliki oleh Tan Sri Vincent Tan yang memiliki saham lebih dari 40 peratus dalam company tu, okay fine. Walaupun Tan Sri Vincent Tan ni jugak eksekutif dalam Berjaya Group sekali pun, tak jadi masalah. Tapi, bila baca MiTV ni adalah usaha sama dengan syarikat Runcom (http://www.runcom.com/) rasa macam tak best la plak. Kalau pegi ke company profile dalam web Runcom, pasti akan terbaca syarikat tu berpusat di Israel. Ah sudah. Biarpun ada orang mengata MiTV ni satu usaha yang bagus untuk mengatasi penguasaan Astro di Asia Tenggara, tapi bila baca ada kaitan dengan Israel, "Hello, apa citer?"

Jadinya, kena la berhati-hati. Bukan apa, pasti kita tahu, ramai orang cuba merosakkan bangsa Malaysia kita. kalau bukan bangsa Malaysia sekali pun, yang dirisaukan ialah saudara seagama yang tidak mengambil peduli persoalan perlunya berpegang teguh pada agama. Bila makin banyak ujian, kena ada lebih banyak benteng pertahanan. Biar pun Islam Hadhari itu satu usaha yang dikatakan berkesan untuk mengembalikan Islam ke dalam jiwa masyarakat, tapi risau juga bila dibenarkan syarikat yang berpangkalan di Israel ni membuat satu saluran secara tidak langsung ke dalam negara kita.

Jadinya, awas. Jangan mudah tewas!

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Kotak TV dah makin banyak kaler dan irama, tapi kenapa rakyat suka sangat mengadap kotak TV dan ada yang sampai pergi konsert, tapi berapa kerat je yang pergi Ceramah Perdana? Mana satu yang dikatakan dapat mencapai usaha kerajaan membina insan? Mana satu ni? Haaa... jangan konfius pulak! Fantasi membina insan? Hmmm punah...

Yesterday, before the BBQ party.. I went to Pick 'N Save... bought a wrap of honeydew... pergh, I don't know how to explain it... I thought at first that the taste would definitely be suck! But hey, I was wrong... far from my imagination, I'm tasting paradise... where in this God's world can I find that honeydew? Only in Pick 'N Save? I feel like I wanna buy it again and eat it in car again, even if it were a really warm day. It was so juicy, and surely the taste was soooooo sweet, I'm not kidding, it was like eating a juicy honey!

So, don't judge a book by its cover.... no such thing as knowing things just from their facade 'coz normally you got it wrong... people without smiles would always be the best candidate for being good friends... because having friends who like to laugh and laugh all the time is actually wasting your time just for fun, but not helping you out improving yourself... I got friends who share informative inputs with me, to me, people like 'em should be the ones who are eligible for the title of being "good friends." You'll know that they are not selfish, sharing things with you by feeding your mind...

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That's my circle of life.... what 'bout ya all out there. how's ya circles? None? Go and find one, amigo!

We just finished BBQing. Still got lots of leftover, and I don't know how many pounds of beef steak still left. So many people came, I think it's about 20 people being fit into my house. The living room already got lots of stuff, but what can I say, they still wanna use my house as the venue for the meeting, yep it's for the convinience rather than climbing 2 floors (lazy Malaysians, as always hehe). So, everything went well, the election for the new committee was also held. Fuh, at last I still from any burden of having a post for the association. I'm so lucky, so I just can wish for those elected to carry their responsibilities responsibly :D

I ate a lot. But the Chinese guys ate more than a lot, think about it, how are you going to explain "more than a lot"? We had a chatting after eating, all about foods. Being Malay made me surprised to learn my Chinese friends eat lots of Malay foods, one of them was raised by his mom who cooks Malay cuisines. He said, nasi lemak is a must for breakfast, even I myself haven't eat nasi lemak that frequent. Having 6 meals is too much for me, hey Mark, how many stomachs do you have? Ops, I should not be so excited when talking about foods. But, still, am so grateful for having so many foods to be fed into our mouths. Not to forget, some of our Muslims brothers and sisters in New Orlean are right now staying in mosques for protection. We here are laughing and enjoying with BBQ, I should not let myself unaware about things going on around the world.

What about Malaysia? Definitely should know what's going on in my beloved country. But jeez, I hate the Merdeka Day, people are shouting because of rising gas price, shouldn't we stop celebrating the Merdeka Day to save some money and pay for the gas, instead? I hate when people could not think of a better way for saving, because you need to sacrifice things in order to get something. Why couldn't we sacrifice our Merdeka Day celebration, which is definitely a waste of public money. DAMN!

So many more we can say about wasting money, but so little we can say about saving money. When will Malaysia be like Japan, saving is recommended throughout the country. Maybe a Muslim country will never be like a non-Muslim country. Pity to those in Malaysia who failed to think of a way to solve the problem of rising gas price. I don't think people would care. How serious is the command of reducing the usage of aircond in government building? Is it happening, or just bluffing to cover the public's mouths? What else? So many else you can say. You think of it. Even the Malaysia Students society here bought foods a lot than what we need. We encourage people to eat a lot, to me it's so sad 'coz it seems like Malaysians got no good activities at all beside eating and eating and eating. Shih, what a waste of time, actually! But hey, for once in a month or two, it's not bad either. A good way to gather people and have some chat and laugh, just to forget about the task of studying and homeworks. When things done, everything goes like nothing had happened. People went back, and I myself can sit in front my laptop rather than straight away taking a nap.

A waste or not a waste? Still we need to save money, time and energy! Hell with people who like to waste and waste, 'coz you got no heart at all without thinking about how other human beings are suffering. I ask God's forgiveness and guidance not to make us careless and unheartedly thinking about our fellow humans.
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Mampus la, aku dah lama tak menulis orang putih ni.... rojak ke katun ke berbau kampung ke ayat aku, pedulik la.... yang pasti aku cuba!

Bila duduk termenung, makan seorang diri, sambil bersama kawan-kawan menonton cerita Entourage, terasa kosongnya la dunia. Dunia yang menarik minat hanyalah satu dunia yang penuh hiburan, hakikatnya kosong. Bila hidup di sini lebih dari yang dijangka, tanpa pendirian kuat, akan mengubah pegangan diri, inilah yang mak risau seperti yang diberitahu sebelum aku melangkah pergi. Hari demi hari, melihat ke dalam hidup sendiri, terasa penuh perbezaan, diri yang dikenali sekarang, terasa seperti manusia asing. Tapi, hidup ini tidak berputar 360 darjah seperti yang ditakuti. Cuma perubahan yang berlaku, ada kebaikannya. Yang pasti, rasa sendiri itu sesuatu yang paling bernilai sebagai suatu pendidikan. Melihat diri yang lalu, bagai satu igauan. Berkawan dan bercampur sekarang ni membuatkan aku rasa sangsi, kenapa jiwa kosong ini tidak mereka rasai? Aku sendiri rasai kekosongan jiwa mereka.

Kerna itu, aku ingin menjadi bukan seperti mereka yang kosong. Hati yang kosong meronta pengisian. Merenung saat lalu adalah peta sebelum melangkah ke hadapan. Ilmu yang aku pelajari membantu mendidik kesedaran diri. Hatta formula kira-kira Matematik memetik suis idea, betapa persoalan moral tidak diabaikan jika anda belajar sosial sains. Kata kawanku, kalau ikut ilmu orang kafir ni, persoalan moral tidak menjadi satu perhatian. Tapi, aku pula berpendapat lain, sebab kata pensyarah aku, kita bertindak mengikut kata hati. Ilmu yang kita pelajari ini mengajar kita membentuk kata hati yang baik. Bukan sebab pensyarah itu pegang pada agama dia yang kafir, tapi kerana kata hati yang kami belajar berlandaskan ilmu. Sekafir mana seorang insan, ilmu yang diajar masih ilmu dari Tuhan. Tuhan Yang Maha Satu Maha Pemurah kerana kepada si kafir juga diberinya ilmu kehidupan. Akan tetapi, rugilah orang beriman kalau hanya berfikiran hanya manusia mukmin yang mampu menyampaikan ilmu. Ilmu daripada sesiapa pun kita boleh pelajari. Hatta pokok yang togel tidak berdaun juga mendidik sesuatu. Kerusi yang patah juga menyampaikan mesej. Hanya hati manusia, sebersih mana dalam menuntut ilmu. Permerhatian pada alam adalah satu cara mencapai hidayah, adakah anda tidak yakin? Pasti anda akan terjumpa perkataan "unzhur" iaitu lihatlah mahupun frasa "la'allakum tatafakkarun" iaitu moga-moga kamu berfikir (dengan mendalam).

Jejak kaki di sini juga tidak menghalang aku untuk meneruskan pemerhatian yang aku lakukan sewaktu muda dahulu. Berjalan melihat sekitar, melihat perangai rakan-rakan sebaya, rakan-rakan rakyat betapa jiwa kosong mereka membuatkan mereka terkapai mencari tujuan. Hatta sepemergian aku melihat konsert nasyid membuatkan aku memerhati kesanggupan ibubapa membawa anak-anak ke konsert, anak masih muda dan kecil ini dididik sebegini. Kosongkah jiwa mereka hingga perlukan hiburan lebih dari kaset dan alunan pada radio? Aku yang ke konsert nasyid pun dibelanja kawan. Aku yang pergi seperti biasa menjalankan tugas untuk diriku iaitu memerhati dan merasainya sendiri. Ketika aku di sana, mendengar alunan lagu yang kuat menggoncangkan jantung dan dadaku, kerana bunyinya yang cukup memekikkan. Ah, aku tak biasa dengan kebisingan sebegitu kuat ketika waktu malam. Inginku jerit, "Shut up and cut this crap." Nasyid pun nasyid juga, tapi bagiku waktu malam adalah waktu sesuai untuk duduk berehat dengan sunyi dan tenang di rumah. Mak dan ayah aku tidak mendidik kami menjerit atau bising di rumah pada waktu malam, kalau ada adik yang menjerit menangis atau bergurau senda, aku terasa kacau, angkat tangan saja mereka pun diam. Ah, aku tak mahu jadi macam orang biasa yang lain, tidak kira memekik memekak di waktu malam. Apa aku peduli stadium atau padang lapang sekali pun. Malam waktu rehat. Itu yang diajar pada kita dalam Mashaf Quran, "malam sebagai kerehatan dan siang sebagai waktu bekerja/berusaha."

Tapi kini, aku mempunyai dunia sendiri. Melalak dan memekak sekali pun hanya di dalam dunia sendiri. Selagi aku tidak mengganggu gugat ketenteraman orang lain, selagi itu aku berani memekik dalam kehidupanku sendiri. Tapi, terkadang, persoalan yang muncul, tiap kali kita solat, orang lain memekak buat tak faham kita sedang "bekerja" untuk Tuhan. Tiap kali mereka "bekerja" untuk Tuhan, pastikan diri sendiri faham untuk hormat dan diam. Supaya kita pun tak tergolong dalam kumpulan yang tidak hormat pada "kerja" ibadah kepada Tuhan. Supaya kita tidak jadi seperti mereka. Jiwa kosong mereka menghalang untuk duduk diam, hanya diam selama 5 hingga 10 minit pun membuatkan mereka terasa ingin memberontak.

Kerja memerhati dan merasai ini takkan habis selagi pancaindera yang Tuhan berikan ini masih dapat berfungsi, dan selagi roh yang ditiupkan masih di dalam penjara jasad. Kerja anda ialah memerhati, kerana anda akan jadi saksi pada manusia lain dan nabi akan jadi saksi pada anda di sana nanti. Kalau pegangan hatimu kuat, bersuaralah mencegah dan melarang... kalau kurang kuat sekali pun, cubalah menjadi salah satu suara yang memberikan galakan dan semangat positif.... selagi mata celik, selagi akal berfungsi, selagi kulit merasa, selagi telinga mendengar, selagi jasmani bergerak, input tidak akan putus, sedar atau pun tidak.... sedarlah diriku, kita makin leka dengan kekosongan mereka-mereka... ayuh!
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Hormatilah orang yang sedang beribadah... kalau anda telah selesai solat, duduklah diam tanpa mengganggu khusyuknya orang lain.... (&#$)(&#$&)!@ betul la anda tak faham-faham lagi sebab anda bukan budak kecil yang tidak ada otak dan fikiran... Silalah beradab, biadab!

Tadi first time dalam hidup aku menjejakkan kaki ke kelas Master Program... merasa la kalaupun aku tak jadi masuk MSAE (Master of Science in Applied Economics)... students yang memang buat MSAE begitu kamcing sesama derang since derang mmg in the same kelas in whatever kelas yang derang amik. Aku dan member undergrads semua nampak la muka budak2 pasal kitorang undergrad pun tak abis lagi tapi gatal nak masuk kelas grad. Nak buat camne, kelas yang kitorang amik ni mmg a good course utk kitorang pnye major. Aku selama ni tak kenal pun students yang sama major dengan aku, tapi bila pegi kelas tadi, semua familiar faces yang aku penah sekelas sebelum ni rupanya buat major sama macam aku which is Applied Mathematical Economics. Bagi advisor aku, walaupun aku ni buat Economics with minor in Mathematics, dia lagi suka aku isytihar major aku as Applied Math Econ pasal nama dia bunyi pun gempak lagi.

Just could not imagine macam mana aku plak in other's shoes in 10 to 15 years to come. Yela, aku pegi kelas tadi tengok classmates pun ada yang licin kepala, ada yang berjambang. Katanya dia dulu study kat Marquette jgak, but it was 15 years ago. Pergh, time tu aku baru masuk sekolah rendah. Patut la kepala dia pun dah takde rambut kat tengah. Pastu Dr. Nourzad pun cakap la yang dia mula mengajar masa tahun 1976, pastu start ajar Econometrics kat Marquette kalau tak silap aku tahun 1983, ni yang paling shocking skali la bagi aku pasal tengok muka Dr. Nourzad, tak macam orang tua pun. Kalau dia mengajar since 1976, maknanya umur dia lebih kurang separuh abad dah. Tapi tu la yang aku tak sangka, semangat dia macam orang muda. Bila dia kata dia start ajar Econometrics in Kansas U in 1976 pastu in Marquette since 1983, maknanya dia dah mengajar subjek ni lebih lama dari aku bernafas kat dunia ni.

Yang paling bangga masa dia citer tadi, dia kata the best department in Marquette is Department of Economics sebab dia kata no other departments could beat Econ. dept. in term of awards won. Pasal advisor aku menang teaching award untuk 2005 (which is last academic year), buat aku bangga jadi anak murid Dr. Toumanoff. Dr. Nourzad sendiri penah menang teaching award in 1992. Dr. Daniel yang aku penah tersalah masuk kelas dia masa aku mula belajar di Marquette tu pun penah menang teaching award in the year of 2000 (or maybe 2001, aku dah lupa). Buat aku bangga la plak pasal department yang aku belajar ni bukan dari calang-calang orang. Advisor aku (Dr. T, nickname yg aku sendiri bagi) memang kalau duduk dengan dia, selagi ko tak paham selagi tu toksah la nak angkat punggung dari kerusi. Bila ko blah je dari ofis dia, hui rasa beban tak paham tu hilang terus. Dr. T is the Director of Undergraduate Program in Applied Math Econ, and Dr. Nourzad himself is the Director of MSAE, and these 2 profs already know me well, coz rarely for them to teach Malaysian. Dr. Nourzad la memula dulu macam terkejut pasal aku kata aku buat major in Econ dan aku from Malaysia. Kalau pun aku first Malaysian student yang dia penah ajar, tapi memang aku tak sangka la dedua lecturers ni memang dah cam sangat dengan aku. Tu yang aku memang prefer study kat univ yang population student dia kecik je. Each class yang aku masuk normally not more than 30 students per lecturer. Macam kelas time aku kat sekolah dulu je.

Surely aku kena ingat pengalaman pertama masuk kelas Master ni. Maybe someday ada peluang, cita-cita ni dapat tercapai? Who knows....

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Since when I'm too ambitious? Ada someone kata yang aku suka nak sebut "sejak dari dalam perut ibu" haha...

Haa amik...

What Famous Leader Are You?
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Dah nama pun aku sama darah dengan Hitler... that's why I got the guts (haha)....
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Told ya, being anxious and hate myself are what make me similar to Hitler... this proves me that I'm correct... haha!